December 23, 2010
I know it has been a minute and I am so glad to be back on the world wide web family. So since we last spoke I have had some, lets just say less than thrilling experiences in the wonderful world of what I like to call "Teen Land." My recent experiences put the HOOD in parenthood. It's like a battlefield with my 13 year old son at this moment in time. He has hooked up with the wrong group of kids at school, started talking back to adults, bullying kids in class, and to boot thinks he's a man because sperm comes out of his little peckerwood. Now, I must admit that I don’t have the answer to out of control teens and if I did, then heck I would have sold it and been a billionaire. I am however saying that sharing is caring. I have accepted the fact that you can give or teach your children all the lessons or tools in the world but if they actively choose to not utilize them, then there's nothing that you can do. Now that doesn’t mean simply give up on them. It does however mean you can't control the will of others and this includes our children. When talking goes in one ear and out the other, when heart to hearts go south, when ass whoopings get you no where but tired, when others attempts fail miserably and when sick and tired only gets you tired of being sick and tired……. then what happens?
What I am finding happens, is that we continue to seek to break all these cycles that were either set in motion before our children came into existence along with other cycles that were created through our own ignorance. The funny thing about all of this is that there are so many different cycles that contribute to the complexities of raising our children, that it's not even funny. I have tried so many things with my son from switching parenting methods, to enlisting help of "professionals", to friends and some family members helping out. The interesting part of all of this is that when you involve so many people and they all end up repeating what you have already said, lets just say you feel less crazy. Nonetheless no matter how many people repeat what I say or agree with me it doesn’t change the behaviors exhibited by my son. And then what happened or happens??? Well family as for myself I have come to understand that I have a child that is determined to make his own way. Now I may not like his methods nor respect his actions, but I understand the need to do it on your own. I have often times forgot was it was like for me as a child. The need to find out everything for myself, the cross between wanting to be cool and pleasing my teachers or parents, not fitting into different clicks, feeling conflicted between wanting to kind of be a "good girl" verses being like some other members of my family. It was a very trying and confusing time for me. I had so many influences that were both positive and negative. My parents at the time had tried everything they thought of to reach me and all the while I was thinking all the things but the right ones. In the end they just let go and left me to do just was I was determined to do, which was to find my own way. That way my friends had so many bumps along the path that it wasn’t even funny. Now my son is appearing to come to the same crossroads himself with me. I have given all the knowledge that I can as to provide direction and the tools to reach a proper understanding on the consequences of his choices. Now I can empathize with a young man or any mans need to make his own way so at this point I am leaving him to his own justice. By justice I mean to say that whether the he gets a reward or is penalized for his actions he is the one who has to go through it without my aide. This may seem harsh to some and not to others. At this point my stance is if you keep jumping off a boat into the ocean and can't swim and I constantly throw over a float then you'll keep jumping because my actions are predictable and you feel safe. Now if I take the same scenario and tell that child where the life jacket is, how to put it on, and give all the instructions on how to use it and then leave. He has to think about his actions with a little more care because he no longer sees me on the deck of the boat. This does not imply a lack of love but an understanding that sometimes degrees of space can accomplish some amazing things. Since however this is reality and everything doesn't always play out in the way that we anticipate it, I'll keep you posted family. Peace and Love
Beautiful SciAsia Aset Earth